Siren Song of the Nam Song

THEY WERE A FAMILIAR SIGHT. Southeast Asia is teeming with them. Twenty-somethings in tank tops - most apparently unaware or unconcerned that body parts and underthings are peeking out. Such a familiar sight, in fact, that my fantasy of a lazy float down the Nam Song started to seem like just that - a fantasy.

Our first night in Vang Vieng, Laos and things were shaping up just as we feared. Droves of backpackers filled the open-walled restaurants, watching the TV shows “Friends”, and “Family Guy” like satiated zombies. An obliterated Brit hung off the back of an overloaded tuk tuk, singing “this place is a shit hole, I wanna go home!”, to the melody of Sloop John B.

Even though summer was in full swing, Spring Break hung heavy in the air, and it reeked of hash brownies and body odor.

Crispy fried mulberry leaves.

We were in the sleepy Laotian town for many reasons - most notably the caves, the river, and the rivers in caves. Most others were here for one thing - Vang Vieng has become a hedonistic party paradise, and tubing the Nam Song river, a backpacker’s rite of passage.

Before jumping into the water, we stopped by Vang Vieng Organic Farm Restaurant for mulberry shakes and crispy-fried mulberry leaves.

The float, uninterrupted should take no more than one hour during the rainy season, is punctuated by riverside pubs that coax floaters to pit stops every hundred meters or so. Sirens on the banks toss bottles with ropes attached with impressive accuracy and you either grab ahold and get pulled to shore, or toss them back and float on. It’s easy to while away an entire day drinking, dancing, swimming and making friends in many languages.

Despite the lazy gait of the Nam Song, a pub crawl mentality on water has made this very stretch of river one of the deadliest sites in Southeast Asia. Free shots, cheap beers, and hash baked goods don’t mix well with rope swings, slides and human water catapults, regardless of the strength of the current. Caution and discretion seem highly unpopular and are advised by no one but that little voice in your head.

Once we broke free of the collective chaos the popular floating route carried us into the shadows of towering limestone karsts smothered by thick emerald foliage. Even the most glazed eyes would have a hard time missing the beauty above.

Enjoying our quiet surroundings, and gazing up in awe, we nearly missed our turn-off point. Three waving, splashing young boys disrupted our peaceful trance and rushed out to help pull our tubes up the polished stony bank. We gave them each a small monetary token of our appreciation as they pointed out the way back to town.

Ten minutes later the deceit became pretty obvious. Town was not very close, and those “helpful” kids weren’t so helpful after all. But they were clever, and their scam was harmless, so because of that I’m cool with supporting their sly enterprise. We walked single-file through hanging lianas, bamboo and banana trees while the sun dropped behind the karsts, bringing an agreeable nip to the stifling evening. Our tubes were due back in town at 6pm, but that ship had sailed before we ever stepped out of the river, so we enjoyed the extended journey home.

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VERDICT: Mostly Harmless - but deaths do occur. Be responsible with the mind-altering substances if you plan to spend the day on an unregulated river.

Fernando admiring the scenery and Cordian’s thatched fedora.

NOTES:

Vang Vieng, Laos: Popular tourist destination for backpackers from around the world.

Vang Vieng Organic Farm Restaurant: Open-air restaurant specializing in all things mulberry, just up stream from the drop-in point for floaters. A great place to grab a bite before beginning your float.

Nam Song River: River flowing north to south through town of Vang Vieng, Laos.