The Land of Oz — Mostly Harmless

FERNANDO’S LAST TRIP to the Ozarks ended with him covered in a suit of seed ticks. He kept the tweezers in the drawer and chose duct-tape extraction. This not-so-fond memory made him skid to a halt at the head of the bike route Seed Tick Shuffle.

We were in the midst of a weekend away in northwestern Arkansas (or as the kids call it, NWA) for mountain biking, hiking, and a peek at the college town of Fayetteville.

Well, what’s in a trail name anyway? Armadillo’s Last Stand offered no such animal, and the whole network of trails goes by the name Slaughter Pen, yet neither of us left bloody.

A SMALL MISCALCULATION (whoops, my bad) left us lodging about 25 miles south of the wicked mountain bike trails of Bentonville, home of the Waltons of Wal-Mart fame (and the largest owner of vacant buildings on the planet). The town is strewn with Walton-funded bike trails from simple to sick, from basic to black diamond.

At Phat Tire’s repair shop in Bentonville, Arkansas.

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There is one thing the guidebooks don’t tell you about Crystal Bridges Museum in Bentonville; they don’t turn up their noses at sweaty cyclists visiting post bike ride. The air-conditioned reception hall seemed heaven-sent after a morning and afternoon of mountain biking. Bankrolled by Alice Walton, daughter of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton, Crystal Bridges’ high ceilings and glass walls seem to float on two small ponds. Chihuly glass orbs float about next to the bright walkways.

Fooled by Duane Hanson’s hyper realistic “Man on a Bench”, like countless others, I found myself having an internal argument - say hello to the exhibit and look like a fool, or say nothing to the very, VERY still man and look like a jerk. The cellophane skin of his arm, bunched up where it rests on his inner thigh was a detail so deceptive, I couldn’t help but eke out a tiny greeting. You know…just in case.

Pond outside of Crystal Bridges, Bentonville’s most iconic museum.

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OZARK-ST. FRANCIS NATIONAL FORESTS were created by proclamation in 1908 by Teddy Roosevelt, and most of the trails were built under his fifth cousin, FDR’s, Works Progress Administration (WPA). Together, they contain multiple swimming holes, nearly 400 miles of hiking trails, 11,000 acres of old growth forests, and six different endangered species.

A mile past the dusty trailhead, and I was tempted to take a sip of the miasmic stream, trickling under our shoes. We planned to stop for water, but seriously underestimated the emptiness of the remote towns, and found our trail before provisions. One roadside shop, labeled “market”, held nothing but sour clothing and spider-webbed knick-knacks.

Hawksbill Crag juts out over Ozark National Forest.

Hawksbill Crag: Whitaker Point

I’ve never seen Tuck Everlasting, but I did catch the scene shot at our destination, and I’m a huge fan of semi-dangerous vistas. Also known as Whitaker Point (after Whitaker creek below), and an easy three-mile hike from car to crag and back, Hawksbill Crag draws large numbers to the national park every year.

Alexis Bledel and Jonathan Jackson were careful at the precipice, unlike the five to 10 people a year who fall or injure themselves near (or…off) the crag. A few months before our visit a 20-year-old fell 100 feet to her death while trying to take a photo.

No selfies for us out on the ledge, we were responsible (and slightly annoying) and snagged a fellow hiker to take the shot, because the view really is something worth sharing.

VERDICT: Mostly Harmless - but tread carefully, and forego the selfies so you don’t become a statistic.

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LINKS:

Phat Tire Bikeshop: Bike sales, rentals, services, guided tours and trail guidance in Arkansas and Oklahoma.

Crystal Bridges Museum: A museum of American art, founded by Alice Walton (daughter of Walmart founder Sam Walton) and designed by Moshe Safdie, opened in 2011, with free public admission.

Duane Hanson’s “Man on a Bench”: A hyper realistic statue of an old man, sitting in wait at Crystal Bridges Museum of Modern Art.

Works Progress Administration (WPA): An employment and infrastructure program created by President Roosevelt in 1935.

Old Growth Forests: Forests that have developed over a long period of time, generally 120 years or more.